Saturday, December 24, 2011


I want to talk about Mike Esposito, and what he means to me as I reflect on Christmases long past.

I want to talk about the days when I used to set up toy soldiers in my playroom. I used to be very meticulous about it.

I used to set up the pewter soldiers with the pewter soldiers. They were mostly generals you see, and they had to hold conferences away from the enlisted men who were plastic. That's how the army works.

The enlisted men were Made In China, and had to be sectioned off in divisions. They had to placed in straight lines if they were not in battle, or behind the proper barricades if they were in battle. These details made a difference.

The Civil War officers and generals had to confer with the leaders of the American Revolution in a section of the playroom apart from the British monarchy and royal guards placed inside the Playmobile castle. That's how international relations and the Prisoner Dilemma work. I took it seriously.

All of these matters were complicated further at Christmastime. All pewter soldiers and enlisted plastic ones had to set in orderly rows under the small Christmas tree designated for our pets that we set up in the playroom. Setting up soldiers in the middle of the floor for eleven months of the year took a few hours. Setting them up under the tree often took twice as long. You were working in tight quarters against the domino effect.

All of this fine and important work wasnruined by Michael Esposito on many an occasion.

I want to talk about how he knocked my soldiers down with paper blocks that were meant to be barricades left well alone.

I want to talk about how he didn't watch where he was stepping. If he lowered his foot on an unsuspecting plastic foot soldier outfitted for the Pacific theatre well... Why the f*** not, right?

I want to talk about how Mike Esposito thought everything in the playroom was just part of a large game that he could take part in whenever he pleased. Well, war is no game.

I want to talk about the day I remind Mike Esposito of all these memories by putting a foot into his teeth and burning his copy of Dave Barry's Big Trouble.

Merry Christmas.

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